When I grow up...

Happy ending?

saris777 — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 08:26:45 +0000

… I really think so ^^

I’m glad to “announce” everything is fine with me again. Finally.
I’ve waited a short while to say this, but I’m happy I can say it now without any doubt.
This will sound cliche but I don’t mind; when I least expected it, I found someone.

Someone I can love, someone that loves me back. Someone I can be happy with, that completes me, that is with me in good times and in hard times. Someone smart, handy, interesting, and at the same time funny, easy, sweet and romantic ^^
He really made me feel like taking the chances of having my heart broken again. And I think that says enough. I feel really lucky, after all the shit I had to go through this last year…
Now I think I begin to understand.
Thanks God I was strong enough to keep on going (and too coward to actually kill myself).

Finally I can say I’m resting my head on something real, and I like the feeling.
Thank u, schatje ^^

Pure hell

saris777 — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 04:39:23 +0000

I forgot how it feels like to be close to someone, to hold hands with someone, to be kissed by someone, to breath someone’s breath before that happens, to feel someone’s warmth next to mine, I forgot how it feels like to touch someone’ skin, to be touched by someone, to look into someone’s eyes and feel loved…
I forgot how it is like to be alive. I really miss all of that… Life without it it’s pure hell.
It’s been so long, and looks like it will never happen again… I could swear I’ve never felt lonelier than now.
It’s like I ran out of time. There’s nothing left for me. There’s no one left for me.

Fighter

saris777 — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:43:31 +0000

I was raised to fight for what I love, to fight for what I believe it’s right, to fight for what I wish…
Always to fight. They forgot to teach me how and when to give up.

The hardest thing I’ve ever faced is to give up on you.
I just can’t. I don’t know how to. I don’t even think I want to.

So now what.

Living in denial

saris777 — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:41:54 +0000

Those who don’t know, don’t feel… Ignorance is truly bliss.
It’s easier to achieve happiness through lies than through truths…
Reality always brings too much pain.

Last year

saris777 — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:35:19 +0000

A friend of mine: I see you way better now than last year.
Me: WHAT? O.o I might had lost my job around this time last year, but I was happy with Rick nonetheless…
My friend: Exactly, last year it was all about Rick, now it’s all about YOU.

Thank you, my friend. Somehow those words reached me.

Although I still believe I was better last year…When I wasn’t hating being alive and stuff.
You see, there’s not amount of “myself” that can fix my broken heart. Only he can.

How to

saris777 — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:15:08 +0000

How am I gonna believe things will be ok again
if they haven’t been since that day?

Sometimes I hate my way too logical mind =_=’
Sometimes I wish I could just blindly believe in not-proven things,
be happy just out of illusions… But every time I have tried,
I have only met disappointment.

So that’s why.

The most

saris777 — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:21:38 +0000

After all this time, what hurts me the most is…

Did I mean so little to you?

I can’t get over the fact of how quickly you kicked me out of your life, when I still can’t get by one day without thinking or feeling for you. I’m not sure what that means and I’m not sure if I really wanna know.

Love is…

saris777 — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:48:27 +0000

Love is patient, love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, it is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.
Love never fails.

Straight from the Bible. I don’t believe in God, but I do believe in those words… and I will act consequently.

Pity

saris777 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:00:24 +0000

I can see through your fears,
I know about your insecurity,
and I can only pity you, girl…

“count your blessings now, before they are long gone…”

Sneeuwbal

saris777 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:15:41 +0000

My little hamster has left this world today. She grew a tumor and today I had to make the hard decision of putting her to sleep… She didn’t deserve to suffer anymore. She had a nice life, and also a nice death. Wherever you are now, just know that you were loved and you won’t be forgotten.

Today you taught me a very important lesson: life is not about how many people are loving you, but how many people YOU are loving. The sadness in my heart proved me that there’s nothing more valuable than the love you have for the others… That love is the one that makes you feel alive, not the one you may or may not receive. Words cannot express my gratitude for these almost 2 years you have been there, running in your wheel at night not letting me sleep, biting me just to check if I was edible , getting a lot of food in your cheeks just to put it away in you storage corner or just being adorable and plain cute… So many little things, so much I will keep in my heart.

Rest in peace, Sneeuwbal.